On Genocide

The last metroid is in captivity. The galaxy is at peace.

Notice I didn't put quotation marks around that; I actually got to outright say it, this time, because I beat Metroid II: Return of Samus for the first time, yesterday morning. Granted, because I've already played Super Metroid, Metroid: Other M, and Metroid Fusion, I know that "galaxy at peace" bit is a load of bullocks, but shh.

This is a follow-up of sorts to the Metroid 2 initial impressions post I made last week. You might call it a "review," though I don't think that's as accurate of a description as "just an unprofessional dump of thoughts" is. Since it's early morning on Friday 9/15, I know a lot of you have probably been playing Metroid: Samus Returns, and hence won't even notice I posted this. That's totally fine; enjoy your game. I'm excited to enjoy it myself when my copy arrives from Amazon Prime later today.

In case you don't remember, when I wrote my first impression I was early in phase 4, roughly a third into the game. Since then, my first impressions have more or less stayed the same, so I won't remark on those except to say that it addresses drop rate later on by adding easy-respawning enemies in vertical shafts you can farm. Which works way worse than it does in any other Metroid game, since most of them don't endlessly spawn from pipes for you to farm, and the gameplay tempo is overall slower than any other game except maybe Super Metroid.

That aside, can we talk about Zeta and Omega metroids? Because my goodness, what a catastrophe! Both Metroids are clearly designed from an artistic standpoint to be fought on foot, but I guess the Game Boy didn't have the hardware power to make it work, so they just float around like larva, Alpha, and Gamma metroids do.

I wish I could just say it was boring, but if that was my only problem, I might not even bother mentioning it. But no, zetas and omegas are straight garbage bossfights. Especially zetas: They move as fast as you do, so you can't effectively get good distance, and they're aggressive, often triple-comboing you with a ram attack that arguably can't be avoided if you're unlucky. Compounding this is the sand that's in almost every arena you fight them in. Like all sand in the game, it respawns almost as soon as its off-screen, and the arenas are reasonably bigger than the screen, so you waste time shooting sand as often as you do swapping to missiles to shoot them. It leads to way too many cheap deaths. Fuck zeta metroids.

Omega metroids are annoying for a lot of the same reasons, but weirdly, they're much easier, despite being the last phase. They're not as aggressive, so they don't ram at you as often, and usually not in combos. And you never fight them in sand zones. I wonder what Nintendo was thinking would make these blokes harder than zetas, because I can't imagine what. Sand is the absolute worst.

Also, let's talk about beams. I was pretty surprised to see that not only do you swap beams (predating Metroid Prime by over a decade), but the beams are also mutually exclusive equipment: You can't just swap between the beams you already have, you have to actively find them again on Chozo statues to switch between them. I know Metroid 1 technically does this too, but there are only two beams, and I haven't gotten that far in Metroid 1, yet (stay tuned) It's a cool idea, though I'm not a fan of having to actively seek out the ice beam for the finale with the larval metroids. I know you have to use the ice beam for lore's sake (for the uninitiated, larval metroids are only vulnerable to the ice beam), but they could at least put the ice beam unmissably right before the final area, rather than hiding in the ceiling somewhere. Thankfully, Samus Returns seems to switch to a more Prime-style beam swap, which is much better. I suppose I'll find out when I actually play it.

I think I've discussed all I want to about actual progress-based content (even in a 25+ year old game, I'd rather not spoil details about the final bossfight). But I will say this: It's a crime that Metroid 2 is so looked down on the way it is.

Metroid 2 is the origin of so many series staples. The design of the varia suit, plasma beam, space jump, save stations, and crouching all originate here. Any kind of cinematic camera pan originates here (mostly just when you see the metroid egg). It really lays a foundation for future Metroid games, and yet it's never acknowledged for that. All the credit is given to Metroid 1, even though Metroid 2 actually introduced a lot of staples and did others better than Metroid 1.

I've played a bit of Metroid 1 before writing this (hopefully I'll beat it soon). Despite full color, it's way easier to get lost in near-identical environments. Lack of post-hit invincibility is even worse than Metroid 2. Being literally unable to kill enemies on the ground without bombs (which aren't always practical) is just unforgivable, even in a video game this old. Metroid 2 didn't just do almost as much legwork for laying Metroid's foundation as a series, but it did it better than Metroid 1 in a lot of ways. But because of the issues I mentioned in my last post, people don't play long enough to see that. It's a true shame. The real genocide of this game isn't the metroids themselves, it's this poor game's legacy.

If you're reading this and you've never beaten the original Metroid II: Return of Samus, I urge you: Please play it. Like, actually play it. I won't take it away from you if you simply don't like it (and I can understand why), but at least try to get partway through phase 3 before putting it down. That's where the game really starts to shine, and you may find that, by the end, you really liked this little Game Boy game in the same league as other Metroid games.

Now, I gotta go. My copy of Samus Returns hopefully arrives sometime today, and I need to sleep before I can play it (remember, I work night shift). And I need to play some Destiny 2 before that. Great game, by the way. I may make a post on that eventually. In the meantime, enjoy this screenshot of my terrible completion time.